Gaslight

Epic gaslighting move:

The gaslighter tells the gaslightee that they are the actual gaslighter.

It’s like the movie Inception but without the special effects or entertainment. The confusion and wondering how it ends is on par, though.

Learning About Love

I think I understood love today

in the shape of tiny feet

tucked under a tiny body

a giggle 

a splash

of water at the kitchen sink

sheer elation in seeing

her walk, something

shared by homo sapiens

yet rendered me speechless.

It’s the sound of

Baaaa baaaa or moooo moooo

no logic

no rhyme

it’s wiping food off 

eager hands

perfectly full cheeks

and sometimes,

no often times,

from a heap of

curls.

It’s the moment

not the worry

not the plan

but just now

a tiny raise of an eyebrow

another giggle loose

a desire to explore

the contents of every drawer

she need not do

a thing.  No money is involved.

no talent required.

no idea passed on.

she simply exists

and I love her completely

for nothing other

then this. 

IRL

“I’m going to the bakery. Would you like anything?” I asked.

“You’re going out like that? You look homeless,” he said.

No, I thought.

It’s nearly 11:00 am.

I look like a woman who has changed a diaper, had a coffee, tended to emails.

I look like a woman with a Ph.D.

I look like a woman who preps her university lectures and graded a few assignments all before noon.

I look like a woman who produces a podcast, just having scheduled a guest, and researched more material.

And those spots of food on my sweatshirt? Those are badges of honor.

They are the signature of precious tiny hands reaching for me after having been nourished. They are evidence of my response to an embrace from a beautiful little blessing. I go by the name “mama.”

I look like a woman who didn’t prioritize fashion on a Tuesday morning because more important tasks await.

I look like a woman who provides, nurtures, and works.

I look like a woman comfortable in her own skin.

I look like a woman who invests her energy in ideas and creative endeavors.

I don’t look Instagram ready.

I look like a woman with ambition.

“So, did you want the usual from the baker or…”

To My Younger Self

To my younger self,

Your body is nothing of which to find shame

It’ll nudge you when something isn’t right

A twinge in your soft belly

It’ll lift heavy things and you’ll smile in amazement

It’ll bend and stretch and take you through 

Foreign lands

France

Spain

Egypt

Palestine

It’ll let you know if it’s too hot

Or too cold

It’ll create space for new life

It’ll allow you to experience pleasure written of by the poets

Your body will care for you on your life journey

It’ll rest and restore when needed

It’ll embrace friends and share the comfort

Of a well needed hug

It’ll hold hands with lovers and 

send a glorious shiver throughout

It’ll be guided by music and sway at celebrations

weddings

parties

It’ll release emotions with tears to alleviate 

the weight in your heart when broken.

Your face will be gently held by your grandmother 

when she is well and when she is dying. You’ll cherish both.

and when you glance in the mirror she’ll be there too.  

your eyes, your nose, your cheekbones

her history embedded in your reflection.

Some people will comment on your shape

Negative

And positive

But neither ends of the pendulum are of concern

Because It is not theirs

It is yours

Do not find shame, dear younger self.

What We Can Learn From Batman

I’ve often invited students in my Philosophy classes to use our course material to analyze something from film and/or pop culture.  This has yielded thoughtful term papers and course discussions.

It was a delight to have Professor Mark D. White on the podcast to talk about his book The Ethics of Batman.  In his work he explores the moral dilemmas Batman faces such as, can Batman be happy?, should he kill the Joker?, and does his extraordinary wealth hinder his moral position?

This episode was a lot of fun and brought about a nice intellectual inquiry into the complications of this superhero.  Feel free to leave feedback here or get in touch GoodIsInTheDetailsPod@gmail.com

Gwendolyn · The Morality of Batman

 

Suggestions for your Quarantine

Introverts are pros at the quarantine and social distancing.  It’s our thing.  Here’s a bit of advice to help you through:

1. The “Do not panic” approach seems rather unhelpful.  Instead, try taking stock of what you can control and work from there.  Make a list.  For instance, you can control how much media you are consuming.
2. That junk drawer (or closet) you’ve half-heartedly been meaning to clear out can finally get a nice dose of attention.
3. Call your friends and family.
4. Social Distancing doesn’t necessarily mean being cooped up inside.  Go for a walk or try a new area to explore on foot.
5. Delve into that one book you’ve been meaning to read.   
6. Try out a new recipe.
7. Journal.
8. Netflix binge guilt free.
9. Remember that economic downturns do eventually slow down and reverse.
10. Enjoy a podcast.

In Another’s Shoes

If you are terrified of a caravan of people 1,000 miles away trekking north then I propose a challenge.  Go for a ten mile walk today and reflect on how/why your family came to the United States.  How is your life possible because of your family’s decision?  When you end your walk and your feet ache take a moment to be grateful.

And if you think But I don’t have time to do a ten mile walk!  I have duties at home, laundry to tend to, meals to prepare, Netflix to binge, catch up with work, plans with my family and my friends!

Well, then…let that sink in.

Make vs Invite

Don’t try to make someone think.

Invite them.

The beauty of ideas are meant to be shared.

Add wine.

Taking Class Time to Discuss the News

Today’s class discussion, as scheduled on the syllabus, was shelved.  We talked about the election results.  A friend of mine said (somewhat incredulously) “You talk politics?”

“Yes,” I answered.

Allow me to explain.  I do not lecture my particular view points, rather I offer a space for the students to voice their concerns.  In all sincerity my heart broke a little for the students who felt as though a vote for Trump was a vote against their very existence.  And, my students who favored Trump did not want to be thought of as hateful.  They, on the other hand, cast their vote in the spirit of wanting economic change, something they believe will be better for the country as a whole.

I let the students know that my participation in the conversation was as a fellow citizen and not as their professor.  I wanted my students to feel safe to dialogue and learn about each others’ views without risk or fear.

The problem we have, I believe, with considering discourse about politics as “rude” means we only chat about it with people who share our views.  This makes any other understanding terribly distant and foreign.  It is the exact opposite of how a democracy that prides itself on freedom and information ought to function.  Unfortunately, throughout the campaign we saw offensive and hateful rhetoric which ultimately diminished opportunity for authentic discourse.  No one wants to exchange ideas in such a climate.

For my students who are minorities and expressed a deep sense of fear and pain I offered them the following: choose to believe in the basic goodness of people.  For my students who supported Trump I said: work to make this a successful and inclusive presidential term.

The essence of philosophy hinges on examining arguments and this cannot be done without exploring premises, the strong and the weak.  So, yes, I shelved our lecture on Descartes to give the students a free space to voice their thoughts about political issues/arguments.  But, most importantly I hope, I wanted to the students to also have a free space to listen.

Honestly, I want nothing more than for my students to be engaged and feel at peace with being part of the democratic process.  Can this happen in a classroom?  Is it right to do this?  For anyone worried that I imposed a liberal agenda on my students, please do not fret. I treated this time as an invitation to talk, not as a soap box moment for myself.  Besides, shouldn’t education be, in part, learning to formulate our thoughts?   That’s more fun than power point, yes?

 

 

 

Are You In A Relationship With Your Phone?

Two of my classes this term focus on the dynamics between technology and culture: Science, Technology, and Society and Ethical Considerations in Technology. The other day I spotted an opinion piece in the student paper discussing the dating app Tinder (Click here to read it). Now, the usual academic set up of the courses involves discussing case studies such as The Challenger Disaster, the New Orleans Levee failure, and Genetic Engineering. In light of the interesting shift in our behavior regarding phone usage, and specifically the piece from the student paper, I decided to shelve the topic on the syllabus for a moment and ask students what they thought of the influx of dating apps.

My intention was to simply spend a brief time on this, but it unraveled into a spirited class discussion lasting for nearly an hour. Everyone had something to say!

I asked students what the advantages are to using an app for dating and put the list on the board. It looked something like this:

1. It saves time.
2. It’s efficient.
3. You can plan your thoughts out in a text or have a friend double check what you text before hitting send.
4. You don’t have to deal with face-to-face rejection.
5. There is an ego boost to getting “hits” or “likes.”
6. There is more control over first impression because you can choose the photo and the bio.
7. There are so many possibilities.

Unlike reviewing case studies where students learn the information pertinent to the cases, memorize them, and then crank it back out on an exam, this discussion ignited their interest because they are smack in the middle of a cultural shift regarding personal interaction brought about by the fancy-gadget-does-everything-phone.

We then began to pick apart the list on the board. How much time is actually saved if one is on the phone for hours swiping away at photos of potential dates? Wouldn’t there be a similar amount of time spent on going out and being social in person?

For numbers 2-4 and 6 we talked about the very human element of being vulnerable in both friendships and relationships. Removing, or attempting to remove, that from the equation could rob one of an opportunity for growth. Stumbling, putting your foot in your mouth, blushing, awkwardness, and responding in real time with a facial expression are all elements of being human. Is efficiency meant to be applied in this realm? Would you ever want to date a person who had never experienced rejection or a heart break? Isn’t that what makes us humble, caring, and sensitive?

The ego boost is another intriguing aspect. In the normal course of a week, how many compliments does one receive? Without doubt, it feels nice to be on the receiving end of kind words. What the app has done (along with Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram) is create a potential for a deluge of “likes” within a brief time frame. No longer will a compliment from someone once a week suffice. It’s now needed within seconds of posting something and the desire to check has turned into something of an addiction.

With number 7, we discussed how the idea of “many fish in the sea” has radically changed to an infinite amount of fish in the ocean. Hmm…how has the idea that there could always be someone else impacted commitment? (Vanity Fair published an article on this over the summer much to the dismay of Tinder. Click here for the article.)

The conversation morphed into a more general dialogue about being on the phone. It’s a security blanket. One never needs to feel alone because one can always get online to see what people are up to. It is a companion.

In the spirit of bringing this dialogue into the subject of philosophy and specifically The Apology where Socrates gives his famous defense, I asked the students what Socrates would think of our addiction to the phone. Are we similar to Athens?

Socrates argued the soul inherently held more value than the body and other material goods. (If you do not subscribe to the idea of a soul then swap it out with the concept of character.) How, then, does one care for the soul? By asking questions, seeking knowledge, and developing virtues such as Justice, Courage, and Creativity to name a few. For Socrates, spending time on the soul through intellectual and moral pursuits allowed for the good life: “For I go around doing nothing but persuading both young and old among you not to care for your body or your wealth in preference to or as strongly as for the best possible state of your soul.  Wealth does not bring about excellence, but excellence makes wealth and everything else good for men, both individually and collectively.”

Are we subverting excellence by tending to the phone? Are happiness spikes from internet activity an excess? Are we losing sight of what it means to develop our souls/character by diverting too much attention to the impersonal “likes” of others? Are deep conversations eclipsed by quick messages or updates?

I don’t mean to sound as though I’m anti-technology. (I’m a fan of indoor plumbing, modern dentistry, my kindle, and travel by air.) Nor do I mean to negate the door that has been opened with respect to information sharing.  This reflection concerns the apparent restructuring of the building blocks of relationships.  To be clear, I did not treat this classroom time as a dispenser of wisdom and instruction but as a person also swept up by the phone. And, not totally dissimilar to my students, I’m frustrated by how the phone gradually altered from a device of convenience to one tethering me to its intrusions. I have three email accounts, this blog, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, an author account, a log for my Crossfit WODS, LinkedIn, a step counter, a calculator, a GPS…the list goes on! In order to take time out to read and write I disconnect the internet from my computer and I put my phone in airplane mode to force myself to focus.

At the end of class I offered the students this challenge (and please feel free to do this and share your experience in the comments): go out for a meal alone and without your phone. What is it like? How does it feel? Does the prospect of it cause anxiety?

Reading Suggestions on this topic:

Alone Together. Why We Expect More From Technology and Less From Each Other by Sherry Turkle

The Shallows: What the Internet is Doing to Our Brains, by Nicholas Carr

The Circle, by Dave Eggers and/or my previous post on this novel.